#6 That time I thought gratitude was a little schlocky. Unrelated: how to make sure your people don't quit.

Happy Thanksgiving,

I don't know if you're like this too, but when people tell me "you'll be happier when you practice gratitude" or "spend some time every morning journaling" I usually nod solemnly, but secretly don't actually know what in the fork they're talking about. What am I supposed to say? Doing this by myself is weird.  What should I get for a snack later?  There are cookies downstairs.  I wonder if a new episode of "Shrinking" is out yet?

I’ve also never understood what it meant when people said that I should “practice being more present". I fall asleep when I try to mediate, and the closest I could ever get to clearing my mind was when my dad asked me to cut the grass as a kid-I used to love the way walking that hand mower back and forth to make those lines in the grass somehow allowed me to forget how nervous and awkward I felt the rest of the time. Everything else was chaos, but this, this yard was perfect.

All that said, as an adult with a growing business and two young kids, my absolute favorite time of the work week is the seven minutes at the end of our Monday meeting, when the meeting is handed over to a guy named James who doubles as our product designer, and he asks all of us to say thanks to another member of the team. It’s a tiny act, but it’s seven minutes to look back, breathe, and remember the moments and people that made a difference in my week. This is more like it!

Here's why this happens. Some of us can do stuff in groups, and some of us are more comfortable being grateful in silence (weirdos). Either way, when you spend time being grateful, your brain wakes up it's reward pathways.  You get a little tiny squirt of dopamine (reward) AND serotonin (emotional regulation and happiness). It's not James...it's science.

This can also affect your business. 81% of employees reported working harder for bosses who showed them a little public and outward appreciation from time to time. NYU Professor Scott Galloway has famously said, and he's right, that the number one driver of retention among employees is not the mission. It's not the food, and it's certainly not the pay.  Thirty-eight percent say it's whether or not they have friend at work.  People want to feel liked, connected, and appreciated.

So, to bring it back to turkey and stuffing and your silliest relatives talking about why or why not Dr. Oz is the best person to run Medicare, to all of you who Thanksgiving is completely overwhelming for, I offer you "James on Mondays", just a couple of minutes at the tail end of the big get together to look back, breathe, and simply remember the moments and people that made a difference to us this year. Everything else may be chaos, but these little moments just might be perfect.

It's for the Birds,

Ian

PS-Each week I look at the mistakes I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned at Day Owl so hopefully, you don't have to.  I also do an Instagram reel to go with this note @hellodayowls. This is all rather embarrassing for me and hopefully entertaining for you. We’re calling it all "For the Birds", and this is installment #6. Comment (it makes it so much more fun), ask whatever you want, and if this reminds you of something YOU want to share, text me...724.312.1012.