#9 That time I tried to be perfect, and ended up with boogers on the floor.

My general operating model is "optimistic and enthusiastic".  One of my strengths is "WOO".  I think the glass is half-full and that if something doesn't work, there's always another way. I believe that people are either good or afraid, and that the problems in front of us as a species are daunting, but solvable. While it's been tested lately, I still have faith in humanity.

That out of the way...sometimes I'm a motherforking basket-case.

I spend a lot (too much) time trying to get it all perfect. I'm neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it. This time of year it's worse, for sure, but with the newsletter and increased posting on Insta, Ive also been on the socials a lot more than I used to be, and while I REALLY love writing and make stuff for myself as well as for you....every time I release one of these newsletters I'm glued to the analytics, looking for that dopamine hit.  Did we grow?  How many shares am I getting?  Do you LIKE me?  

It's not the point, and who cares, but it's really freaking hard to stop. I can feel my brain shifting into "I will doom scroll until my fingers melt" mode, and it just makes me feel...bleh.

Can I get an Amen?

As much as I value social platforms to amplify messages about truly great ideas and projects (and I really do), we all pay a tax for Instagram and TikTok's megaphone, and the currency is our confidence and self-esteem.

So how's it happen? On Insta and TikTok, every project, whether it’s building a new walk-in closet, business, or brand new body is jump cut into 30-second clips, each step laid out so the sequences are linear and clear. These little packets of excellence make the creator look good and me feel bad that I haven’t yet jump cut my way into my running shoes or put my body into a trash can full of ice water so that I can remember how to be happy.

There is some science to explain this. The Social Comparison Theory tells us that it's in our nature to evaluate our own worth, abilities, and success by comparing ourselves to others. It's been a theory since 1954, but evolutionarily, comparison makes plenty of sense too. Higher status means more access to resources, and one of our silly little naked species' great strengths is observational and social learning, so if we see somebody else improving their status, our brains are HARD wired to try and imitate that success.  Somewhere, deep in our circuitry, success=food and food=mates.

I can get behind that idea, it's just that now, instead the four or five folks a day we run into around the fire or the woolly mammoth kill,  it's happening hundreds or even thousands of times, with strangers. As powerful as our brains are, they're not just not set up for this level of overload. It overwhelms our circuitry, so to cope, we downshift into our limbic systems, and our lizard brains, while essential to a lot of important decision-making processes, are NOT exactly the best party guests.  Here's a short list we'll call "Lizard Brain Downsides":

• Impulsivity

• Emotional Bias

• Overreaction to Perceived Threats

• Short-Term Focus

• Susceptibility to Manipulation

Given the state of our politics, jobs, and our uncles at holiday dinners, DOES THIS SOUND AT ALL FAMILIAR TO ANYBODY?  

What's it all boil down to? According to a 2017 RSPH (Royal Society for Public Health) study, considered one of the most comprehensive social media studies so far:

• 63% of Instagram users reported that the platform negatively affected their self-esteem.
• 53% reported that Instagram made them feel anxious.
• 70% of respondents felt that social media caused them to feel pressure to look good all the time.

We suffer, but kids suffer more. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the percentage of adolescents (ages 12-17) who experienced at least one major depressive episode doubled from 8.3% in 2010 to 17% in 2022.

I stared at this chart for ten minutes trying to come up with something witty to say. 

So maybe my never-ending push for perfection and it's resulting anxiety isn't actually about creating the perfect kid, the perfect body, or the perfect business.

Maybe it’s about sitting on the couch on a Saturday morning watching "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" twice, while your five-year-old never gets the second sock on and your three-year-old has a booger slowly making its way to the floor via his upper lip. Maybe it’s never making it out the door. Maybe it’s strawberry yogurt popsicles for lunch and pizza out of the box. Maybe it’s remembering that the best parts aren’t clean or edited or finished, and maybe we're slightly better, and better to one another, when we say goodbye to the lizard brain every once in a while...cause that guy kind of sucks.

And, just like seat belts and no open containers, maybe it's also about setting some ground rules for the biggest companies in the world to ensure we don't eventually all murder one another in the night. Just a thought.

So, getting more going isn't necessarily going to get us where we’re going, but letting go might.

Making time to set it all down and turn off, might not be easy, but it might just save us all.

Now, go enjoy your yogurt popsicle....and clean up that booger. Gross.

It's For the Birds,

Ian

PS-Each week I look at the mistakes I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned at Day Owl so hopefully, you don't have to.  I also do an Instagram reel to go with this note @hellodayowls. This is all rather embarrassing for me and hopefully entertaining for you. We’re calling it all "For the Birds", and this is installment #9. Comment (it makes it so much more fun), ask whatever you want, and if this reminds you of something YOU want to share, text me...724.312.1012.